Friday, September 28, 2012

First Bitten

I’ve always been proud of my bold colors and loud neons. Too bright pastels have been my calling card for as long as I can remember. I don’t buy black. I don’t wear black puffer coats by THE North Face, and I don’t support the boring black carry-all (especially because they’re practical). I reject the LBD as wimpy, and expected and I would not be caught dead in a black slack.

Until, I was bitten by the NEW BLACK. This is not your “sensible” go with everything safety black. This is stand-out, holy crap what Castle did you come from kinda black. The most Mysterious Blackest Badass Black on the block.

This season’s liquid black leather, and vampy goth looks have me drooling blood. Naughty is so very nice. Yes, mama has turned into a vampire, and I’m ready to be very mean. I pulled out my old black moto boots (even loving that they are beat up and worn), pared them with a short Helumt lang silk skirt and leather sleeved sweater….of course I had to throw on my fur trimmed gray overcoat (I am not ready to give up my furs people). I took my wicked-ass self to a fashion event ALONE and felt like I could kick people in the shin if I got a dirty look. I grabbed some champagne made my rounds confidently, and then left swiftly like I had something much better to do. Like pick up my bike from the garage and drive the very long road up to my dark and dreary Castle for a blood martini on my velvet couch. Ugh, I’m so busy people!

Just in time for Halloween, I have my “costume” ready…

Markus Lupher 

Sunday, September 23, 2012

ladies who lunch

Could I be?

I had the pleasure of meeting two of my best girlfriends for lunch. I was lucky enough to put the baby down for a nap and leave her sleeping at home with the cleaning lady. Yes, I go there. On the other hand my two friends are working girls, they wear shiny heels everyday, they lunch cause someone pays them to and they never have puffs stuck to their jeans.  I lunch because I'm about to loose my mind talking to a one year old about the up coming election and what an ass I think Romey is. 

Do I hang out waaaayyy too much at Starbucks with my toddler? perhaps. But I only go there as an 'activity' and to fuel myself through another morning of picking up legos, changing diarrhea diapers and locating missing pacifiers. Do I need to eat? Not really, cause I've been snacking on pirate's booty I found on the floor, but I do require the adult interaction. The funny thing about this dynamic between me and my BFFs is that they actually think that I "lunch" leisurely in-between gym trainer sessions and strutting pathetically around the grocery store in my black leather peplum coat. Are they right? Am I one of them? The Housewives of Rochester? And why the hell does that offend me so terribly?

I am really Tardy for the Party??...Isn't that everything that I try not to be? Too funny even my best friends poke fun at it, because it's exactly the opposite of who I think I am.

I tend to see myself as MUCH more of disaster than the preppy mommies at the local Yoga studio. The way they see me is not always the full story. For example, most days I have to think VERY hard to remember the last time I took a shower. I may or may not be wearing hanes your way undies from when I was pregnant. I dont work hard at a top knot, I literally can not get the peanut butter out of my hair so it stays by itself. And I don't need to remind you that I left my daughter with my cleaning lady to sneak out and have salad and a wedge cocktail at the country club. Hmmm, maybe they're right? 

 This is actually a more accurate depiction of who I think I am...

This is not leisure ladies, this is survival.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Let's get physical...

As if the gym wasn't intimidating enough...I have Nicole Richie's fab gym style to compete with?

I have belonged to the same fancy gym for two years...I have walked though those doors exactly 7 times, twice was for company holiday parties filled with pigs and a blanket. I decided now that my son is back in school and I only have one little monster to keep track of I should make a commitment to the gym. Marry the gym? nah, i'm talking one night stand, and maybe a phone call in the morning.

So I call to make an appointment for my daughter at the childcare, they have an 11 am spot open. Awesome, she should be hungry and ready for her nap by then, I'm sure this will go great. Not to mention she has spent the entire weekend GLUED to my hip. Screams bloody murder if i put her down (i'm thinking i could actually incorporate her into my outfit and no one would no she was there). Anyway i make the appointment and I finally get there. stumbling out of my car with two bags and a baby, I run into an old friend in the parking lot, she's glistening with sweat, thin, toned and she just RAN to a the gym to continue her workout (really Katie?!), she looks at me and shocked says..."What are YOU doing here?!" Funny, people never say that when they see me out with my leather pants and sequins. Not to mention that I was in wide leg Taka printed pants and a striped Elizabeth and James button down, carrying a drooling one year old in glittered clothes. Not exactly gym ready, but I'm trying!

I get my daughter into the child care center and realize she has pooped...change her and sign her in. They tell me they will ONLY call me if she needs her diaper changed. Which I of course assure them won't happen cause I just changed her. I sneak out while she's not looking and head for the changing rooms. Where I run into another person, she says "wow, I didn't know you belonged here, what days do you come?" My response, "none." She says what do you do here? me: "nothing." This sweet women and her friend talk to me for more than 10 minutes about the Power Yoga class and how much I will loooove it and become addicted to it. Ummm, okay, right. do they sell crack and handbags?

Anyway, I finally get changed, and buy some earphones cause all I want to do is walk on the treadmill and watch Kathy and Hoda drink and gossip. Then the first call from Childcare comes...she needs her diaper changed...again. I go in and she's screaming her head off with a mixture of drool and snot telling me "poop mommmeeeee!" I change her and put her down and run out the door as fast as I can...little did I know this would be the only form of exercise I would get all day.

I get on the elliptical. This process takes me 2 minutes to start and another 2 minutes to find a place to put my phone, keys and water bottle...then i get the second call..."she won't stop screaming could you please come get her?"

So, back again, its been 45 minutes and I am now sitting in the cafe at the gym with a now very happy little girl, a hotdog and a side of potato chips. Basically, I GAINED weight going to the gym, I didn't work out at all, and got called out by at least two people. But hey, on the upside I did get to use the bathroom by myself.

Friday, September 14, 2012

oh la la

You're not from here are you?

Today at the grocery store a woman came up behind me in line (while I was chasing my 1 yr old around with 10 candy bars in her hand), she said “excuse me?” I turned and said “yes?”… her response…”oh you’re AMERICAN? I thought for sure you were French!” As she looked me up and down, she smiled confused and just walked away. That’s it, she had nothing to say to me, apparently unless I spoke French. I didn’t know whether to take it as a compliment or a not.

She was apparently startled by my “yeah?” (insert snotty new york accent) response, as I stood there with a black and white mesh sweater, tucked into a high-waisted-poofy cotton Hannoh skirt and black suede Perdro Garcia wrap sandals, topped off with a chunky necklace and a fat top bun. In a world full of Lululemon grocery runners, I stood out as “odd.” I often get “your not from here are you?” Or “you didn’t buy that in Rochester did you?” But it's not every day that I get mistaken for someone from another country. However, on occasion my husband does think that I’m from another planet.
Here are some of my fav tees from Zoe Karssen…this is about as French as this American mama gets. 

buy online at

Friday, September 7, 2012

Back to School...back to school...

 Who can forget the image of Adam Sandler waiting for the bus singing “ Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight. Oh! Back to school... back to school... back to school. Well, here goes nothing.” in Billy Madison? Or Alicia Silverstone's first day back at Beverly High in Clueless..."AS if!?"

Every parent in the country has been pulling their hair out in the last few weeks of summer waiting for this day. Camps are over, sitters have gone back to college, and you are doing cartwheels trying to keep your kids entertained until the best day of the year rolls around again. First Day of School.

A million things run through your head; I’m going to go back to the gym, I’m going to write again (check), I’m going to reorganize the closet, I’m going to catch up on those wedding and baby gifts, send thank you notes, pay the bills (oh crap that’s what I was supposed to be doing…do you think that Barney’s will accept an apology letter? Add to list), clean the kitchen, cook healthier dinners, did I mention I was going to go to the gym?

Anyway, back to the writing…damn, don’t’ be so hard on me!

Of course most important is buying new school clothes! For me… the kids are just fine in theirs from last year.

Here are some finds to keep you busy…and out of the gym for another day.

Boy. by Band of Outsiders

Easy Peasy School day hair-do

Marni Cross body bag 

A.L.C. plaid shearling collar blazer

J.Crew full pleat leather skirt