I have belonged to the same fancy gym for two years...I have walked though those doors exactly 7 times, twice was for company holiday parties filled with pigs and a blanket. I decided now that my son is back in school and I only have one little monster to keep track of I should make a commitment to the gym. Marry the gym? nah, i'm talking one night stand, and maybe a phone call in the morning.
So I call to make an appointment for my daughter at the childcare, they have an 11 am spot open. Awesome, she should be hungry and ready for her nap by then, I'm sure this will go great. Not to mention she has spent the entire weekend GLUED to my hip. Screams bloody murder if i put her down (i'm thinking i could actually incorporate her into my outfit and no one would no she was there). Anyway i make the appointment and I finally get there. stumbling out of my car with two bags and a baby, I run into an old friend in the parking lot, she's glistening with sweat, thin, toned and she just RAN to a the gym to continue her workout (really Katie?!), she looks at me and shocked says..."What are YOU doing here?!" Funny, people never say that when they see me out with my leather pants and sequins. Not to mention that I was in wide leg Taka printed pants and a striped Elizabeth and James button down, carrying a drooling one year old in glittered clothes. Not exactly gym ready, but I'm trying!
I get my daughter into the child care center and realize she has pooped...change her and sign her in. They tell me they will ONLY call me if she needs her diaper changed. Which I of course assure them won't happen cause I just changed her. I sneak out while she's not looking and head for the changing rooms. Where I run into another person, she says "wow, I didn't know you belonged here, what days do you come?" My response, "none." She says what do you do here? me: "nothing." This sweet women and her friend talk to me for more than 10 minutes about the Power Yoga class and how much I will loooove it and become addicted to it. Ummm, okay, right. do they sell crack and handbags?
Anyway, I finally get changed, and buy some earphones cause all I want to do is walk on the treadmill and watch Kathy and Hoda drink and gossip. Then the first call from Childcare comes...she needs her diaper changed...again. I go in and she's screaming her head off with a mixture of drool and snot telling me "poop mommmeeeee!" I change her and put her down and run out the door as fast as I can...little did I know this would be the only form of exercise I would get all day.
I get on the elliptical. This process takes me 2 minutes to start and another 2 minutes to find a place to put my phone, keys and water bottle...then i get the second call..."she won't stop screaming could you please come get her?"
So, back again, its been 45 minutes and I am now sitting in the cafe at the gym with a now very happy little girl, a hotdog and a side of potato chips. Basically, I GAINED weight going to the gym, I didn't work out at all, and got called out by at least two people. But hey, on the upside I did get to use the bathroom by myself.